Monday, January 1, 2018

just keep swimming

I created the title of this blog several years ago while I was in the midst of one of the greatest struggles of my life, dragging myself and my 4 children out of an abusive relationship with their father. It was the beginning of the end of destructive relationships for me though of course I had to experience a few more short ones just to remind myself right down to the centre of my being how truly dreadful life was when living under the rule of an insecure control freak. So now I find myself watching my son learning to swim at the first of his summer intensive swim lessons. He is happy. I'm smiling with amusement  when he's kicking on his paddle board and gaining no distance whatsoever in the pool. These things don't bother me now, the old me would have worried anxiously that he would never learn to swim, that I'd wasted money, that one day he'd find himself in trouble in the water and I'd never live with the guilt. I still have moments of that type of self destructive thinking but I am consciously working on self acceptance and practising life without self criticism. It is a far more peaceful place to be.